I’m a man. That’s it. Plan and simple. Ppl don’t need to worry about what’s in my pants or between my legs! But no one in my family, including my cousin who supposedly considered me her best friend. I’m treated like shit, like I have no feelings. I have battled severe depression since I was a child. Everything for me has been a struggle my whole life. Making friends, keeping friends. To this day my online friends are on facebook. I’ve had a few friendships over my life but I can’t make them stick. I was raised in a painfully religious family. That was hard. From the beginning I know I was different, somehow. Transgender wasn’t a thing like it is now. And besides that I never believed in God and Christianity like my ENTIRE FAMILY did, out to 3rd 4th and 5th cousins and great uncles and aunts. The fire and brimstone sermons made me fear Hell certainly but that’s all. Being gay was preached as being the worse sin of all and preached often. I knew I couldn’t be myself and be “saved”. I would have to pretend, fake it. On top of all that my father has always been a tyrant. Emotionally and verbally abusive. Dominating and controlling. He still is. I live with my parents still sadly, despite being 28. I attended college but in my untreated depressed state I could never cope with the demands. My efforts ended with me in bad standing at 3 schools. I have not worked much and it took me months to find the part part time job I now have. I make just enough to pay the few bills I have. I can’t afford and apt or car let alone both. It feels like I will never escape the hate, disgust, and oppression of my family and parents’ home. MY SOUL IS BEING MURDERED SLOWLY. It has been for yrs and yrs. What makes it 10 times harder to bear is I have no support system irl. No one I see on a regular bases uses correct pronouns or my chosen name. I am treated as a woman and work and a daughter at home. I feel things are hopeless but no one seems to understand. I can’t bare this ugliness any longe!